How to Influence Others by Making them Feel Comfortable

how to influence

Don’t you ever wish building influence was easier?

I totally get it. Persuasion can be pretty tough, right?

And yet, whether we like it or not, influence is a huge part of our life. Every day, we’re trying to get other people to do what we want.

You try to convince your kids to eat their vegetables. You try to persuade the police officer not to write you that ticket. You try to get your boss to give you that raise you’ve been looking for.

Persuasion is a daily part of life. Especially for entrepreneurs. As you undoubtedly know, much of your success depends on your ability to move people to action.

But, as you know, influence isn’t easy. Many people find it pretty difficult to learn how to influence others.

One of the biggest mistakes that we make is rushing right into making our request. We think that we can give a charismatic, brilliant argument that will compel the other person to see things our way.

It’s a rookie mistake.

Here’s the thing, people will not allow themselves to be influenced by people they don’t like, know or trust. You have to spend some time beforehand getting the other person to feel comfortable with you.

That’s what this post is about. This post will give you 9 tips that you can start putting into action today. When you start using the advice given in this article, you will see how much easier it is to get others to lower their guard. You will be able to build trust by making people feel comfortable with you. You will learn how to influence like a pro!

 

1. Build Rapport

Building rapport is absolutely essential to any attempt to influence another person. Building rapport enables you to develop a connection with your target. This is what you want.

In order to build rapport, you need to do three things:

  • Get the other person to talk as much as possible.
  • Keep the conversation focused on the other person.
  • Find areas of similarity.

Allowing the other person to do most of the talking is essential to building great rapport. You have to encourage them to talk as much as you can.

Here’s why: People are easily charmed by people who are genuinely interested in them. When you show interest in other people, it sends the message that you’re not just there to get something from them.

When you do talk, try to focus what you say on them. You don’t want to spend most of the time talking about yourself. It’s the other person that is important.

Also, you want to find areas of similarity. This part is essential because people are comfortable with others who are like them. When you find things that you have in common with the other person, they will see that you are more alike than they originally thought. If you want to learn how to influence others, you need to know how to build rapport.

 

2. Use The Mirroring Technique

Mirroring is a covert technique that will help you lower the other person’s guard. It involves mimicking the mannerisms and speech patterns of the other person. It’s subtle way of making the other person feel like you’re similar to them.

You need to mimic 3 different things:

  • Words and phrases.
  • Gestures and posture.
  • Tone and cadence.

Of course, you have to be subtle. You can’t make it obvious that you are mimicking the other person. That will make you look weird.

You just want to pick out a few things that the other person does. Do they use a particular phrase often? Do they cross their legs a certain way? Do they speak fast or slowly?

These are the types of traits that you want to mirror.

 

3. Smile Often

This is by far the easiest way to get someone to lower their guard. You don’t have to put a lot of effort into this. You just have to remember to do it.

Smiling has been scientifically proven to make one appear more trustworthy. That’s because smiling communicates friendliness.

This one should seem obvious, right? Who wants to build a connection with someone who’s scowling all the time?

When you’re speaking with someone you want to influence, try smiling. Even when you’re on the phone. People can actually hear a smile.

prospect will see you as more approachable than if you’re frowned up all the time.

 

4. Listen Attentively

Remember when I said that encouraging others to talk is one of the keys to building rapport? Well, getting the other person to talk is useless if you’re not going to listen, right?

That’s why you have to make sure you’re practicing your listening skills. It’s the only way you will be able to understand where the other person is coming from.

Being a good listener isn’t difficult if you remember a few things:

  • Make sure you’re focused on what the other person is saying, not on how you are going to respond.
  • Don’t talk unless you’re trying to clarify what the other person is saying.
  • Ask follow-up questions.

When you’re listening attentively, it shows the other person that you care about what they’re saying. Not only that it helps you better understand them. It’s much easier to influence someone when you understand them.

 

5. Use Humor

Humor is a great way to break the ice and make the other person relax. Not only that, it lightens the mood. This will make you both feel more comfortable.

Humor can help you put the other person in the right kind of mood. You want them to feel something positive when you’re speaking to them. The great thing about this is that they will attribute their positive emotions to you.

Of course, you might be concerned about not being funny enough. But don’t worry, you don’t have to be Kevin Hart to be funny!

Don’t worry about telling jokes.

One of the easiest ways to make others laugh is to tell funny stories. Tell them about something that happened to you that you thought was funny. Chances are, if you thought it was funny, the other person might think it was funny too.

If you’re still nervous, try telling the story to people who you don’t have to influence. Maybe tell one of your friends or colleagues. If they think it’s funny, then you know you can use it with others.

 

6. Show Vulnerability

One of the biggest obstacles to building rapport is appearing to be too perfect. People who come off as perfect aren’t easy to be around.

You know who I’m talking about.

Those people who don’t seem to have a single flaw. It’s the type of person who knows everything, and can do everything.

Most of these people don’t intend to come off this way. They have no idea how they’re being perceived. You don’t want to make this mistake.

Fortunately, it’s an easy mistake to avoid. If you’re concerned about coming off as too perfect, try showing some vulnerability. Let the other person see some of your flaws.

Now, I’m not saying you need to spill your guts and tell them everything that’s wrong with you. I’m just saying that it’s a good idea let them see a flaw every now and then.

One of the easiest ways you can do this is by poking fun at yourself. Self-deprecating humor is a great way to point out mistakes you have made while not making things awkward.

 

7. Use Their Name

People love the sound of their own name. Yes, that sounds a little narcissistic, but it’s true.

The best way to keep your prospect’s attention is to say their name. Often.

We’re so used to hearing our own names that when we hear someone use it, we pay attention. Not only that, when it’s used the right way, it sends the message that you’re focused on them, not on anything else.

 

8. Be Valuable

I said it earlier, and I’ll say it again. People are self interested. They are concerned about themselves.

Of course, this isn’t to say that people don’t care about others. They just tend to focus primarily on what they need and want. It’s why focusing on the other person is the best way to build rapport.

If you want others to feel comfortable with you, then you need to be valuable to them. The amount of influence you have is always tied to the value you bring.

Fortunately, this isn’t as hard as it sounds. The key is to be someone that people benefit from. You have something to give in each conversation you have, even if it’s something small.

Here’s some examples:

  • Advice on how to solve a problem the other person is having.
  • A connection that the other person would benefit from.
  • Information that the other person may need.

You should always be trying to identify areas where you can do something that benefits the other person.

 

9. Appeal to Emotion

People are emotional creatures. We are often led by our feelings. This is true of everyone, even among the most rational, logical people.

As a matter of fact, this article is about getting someone to feel an emotion: comfort. In order to make people feel comfortable, you have to make them feel good! You want the other person to associate with you positive emotions.

This involves a principle call “anchoring.” This is a principle that is taught in the practice of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Anchoring is the practice of getting a person to associate a particular mental or emotional state with a specific stimulus which serves as the anchor.

This is just a complicated way of saying that your objective should be to feel positive emotions when they are around you. You also want them to feel those positive emotions whenever they think about you.

Here’s an example. What do you feel when you think of someone like Adolph Hitler or Josef Stalin? Most likely, those names conjure mostly negative emotions.

But if you were to think of someone like Mother Theresa, you’d probably feel something different right? You’d feel more positive emotions.

Note: if you’re feeling positive emotions when you’re thinking of Hitler or Stalin, stop reading this article and see a licensed mental health professional immediately. Seriously.

We good? Okay cool

Getting people to feel positive emotions is actually quite easy. There are a few things you can do to make people feel good. My favorite is gratitude.

Gratitude

This one is my favorite. Gratitude is an incredibly powerful way to make someone else feel positive emotions. It also helps to form better relationships with others.

The key is to express gratitude. When you tell someone that you’re grateful for something they did or said, it makes them feel important. Feeling important is one of the most profound needs we have as humans beings. That’s why gratitude is so powerful.

If the other person says or does something that benefits you, thank them for it. Be sincere. You can do this in your conversation, or you can even do it when you follow up after. The more you do it, the more influence you will build.

 

Conclusion

The key to influence is to get people to know, like and trust you. Your success at persuasion depends on how effective you are at getting people to like you . When you can get the other person to lower their guard, you will be able to influence them more effectively.

Start putting these tips into action and you will see how much more effective you will become at persuasion. You will start to build better relationships with those you need to influence.

 

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