The Best Advice for Using the Mirroring Technique to Gain Influence

mirroring technique

What would happen if you knew a technique that could help you quickly gain influence in your everyday conversations?

It’d probably make your life easier, wouldn’t it?

The success of every entrepreneur is dependent on how good they are at getting people to do what they want. Of course in order to get others to do what you want, you need to know how to influence them, right?

Now, I wish I could give you an “influence silver bullet” that would enable you to influence every single person you come into contact with. But alas, I can’t!

But here’s the good news: even though there’s no silver bullet, there’s something else I can give you!

There is a technique that I can show you that will help you earn more influence with those that you deal with. It’s called the mirroring technique, and it makes influence so much easier. When I started using this technique in my everyday life, I saw tremendous results. You will too, if you start practicing this technique regularly.

This post will teach you how to use the mirroring technique to build better rapport and make others feel more comfortable with you. Of course, you’re have to make sure you practice this technique as much as you can. The better you are at it, the more influence you will build.

 

The Mirroring Technique: Effective Everyday Influence Awesomeness

 

So, what the hell is the mirroring technique anyway? I’m glad you asked. The mirroring technique involves mimicking the behaviors that the other person exhibits in conversation.

Have you ever observed two good friends who are engaged in a conversation? If you have, you may have noticed that their gestures, posture, and speech were similar. They may not have moved and spoken in the exact same way, but you could see there was a synergy there.

That’s what mirroring is about.

Mirroring is a persuasion technique that you can use in your everyday interactions with the people you wish to influence.Becoming an effective mirror involves paying close attention to the person you’re dealing with. It requires you to listen and watch carefully while you’re conversing with your target.

 

Sussing Out Subconscious Similarities

 

So why does the mirroring technique work? Well, it’s because the mirroring technique is one of the most effective ways to subconsciously influence someone. It’s an easy way to make the other person feel comfortable with you.

The mirroring technique is effective because it makes the other person feel like you are similar to them. As humans, we are naturally drawn towards people who are more similar to us. We like people who are like us.

When you mirror another person, you are subtly communicating similarity. This makes them more likely to lower their guard around you. It helps you build influence with them.

Your greatest obstacle to using this technique will be remembering to use it at all. It’s easy to get so caught up in a conversation that we forget to pay attention to the other person’s behaviors, isn’t it? But when you get into the habit of mirroring, it will become second nature. You will start doing it without even thinking about it.

 

What Are They Saying?

Everyone has certain phrases or words that they use often. They might use slang, or repeat popular quotes. It could be a regional thing. Or maybe the way the person speaks is influenced by the industry they work in.

These are things you need to pay attention to if you’re going to mirror effectively. Is there something you hear them saying over and over again? Or do they say different variations of a particular phrase?

What about individual words? Are there certain terms that they use often? If you notice that there are certain phrases or words that your target uses often, start to integrate these phrases and words into your speech when you’re talking.

Don’t overdo this.

You don’t want to be obvious. Sometimes, it might be a good idea to just rephrase something that you notice them saying often. If you do this right, your target will have no idea that you’re mirroring them.

Also, you want to use the same type of language they use. This is something that is taught in neuro-linguistic programming. They’re called representational systems.

There are three main types of sensory language: visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. We tend to use all three in our conversations, but everyone has one sensory language system that they use more than the others. Listen for the one your target is using and make sure you’re using it as well.

 

Let Them See What You’re Saying

Visual language tends to describe things in visual terms. They might talk about how things look. Here are some examples of phrases visual people might use:

  • “That looks good!”
  • “I like the way you painted the picture there.”
  • “I can see what you’re saying.”
  • “I just want to make sure we’re seeing eye to eye.”

See what I mean? Visually-based people more likely to discuss things in a way that you can see it. Incidentally, most people are more visual in their communication.

 

Are You Hearing Me?

Auditory people talk about things in audio terms. They’re more focused on how something sounds. Here’s some examples:

  • “That sounds great!”
  • “I want to make sure we’re on the same wavelength.”
  • “I totally hear what you’re saying.”

When you’re speaking with someone who uses a lot of auditory language, make sure you use more audio-oriented language. Focus on the way someone sounds.

 

Reach Out and Touch Someone

Kinesthetic people talk about things in terms of feelings or physical action. They’re more concerned with what things feel or act like. Here’s some examples:

  • “I’m trying to grasp what you’re saying.”
  • “I feel you on that point.”
  • “I can’t quite put my hands on it.”
  • “That last sales guy rubbed me the wrong way.”

If you’re speaking with someone who is more kinesthetic, you want to talk about physical action and feelings.

 

When They Move, You Move (Just Like That)

Everyone has their own little physical quirks, right? Have you ever watched Presidents give speeches? All of them have their own unique way of using gestures, don’t they?

We’re all the same way. We have certain gestures and postures that we adopt when conversing with other people. They’re so deeply ingrained that we’re not even consciously aware of them.

As you probably already know, we communicate quite a bit with our body language. It’s one of the staples of anyone’s communication.

Here’s the thing, even though our body language is largely unconscious, mimicking it can still be effective. Observe how your target moves. Notice what gestures she’s using when she’s speaking. Does she move her hands a certain way when she’s making a point? Does she tap the table to punctuate her sentences? These are the types of little things you want to notice.

Also, observe her posture. Do they sit up straight in their chair? Perhaps they lean forward? Maybe they slouch? Make sure you take into account when they change their posture.

Once you have a good idea of the gestures and postures your target is exhibiting, you can start using the mirroring technique to mimic them. The key here is to make sure that you’re not overdoing it.

You don’t want to make it obvious that you’re copying their every move. You want to leave a certain space between the time that the target makes the gesture or changes their posture and the time that you mimic the gesture or posture.

This sounds sorta weird, doesn’t it? I totally understand. But there’s no need to be nervous about it. The more you do this, the easier it will get. You’ll be able to mirror without even thinking about it!

 

Tone and Cadence and Volume…Oh My!

Lastly, you want to mirror the way the other person talks. I’m not talking about the words and phrases they use. I’m talking about the actual way they talk.

Everyone has their own way of speaking, right? When you speak in a similar fashion, it will help you form a better connection with them. This is especially important if you’re speaking with your target on the phone.

Of course, I’m not talking about trying to fully adopt the target’s way of speaking. If your target has a French accent and you’re American, you’re going to look pretty silly if you try to fake a French accent.

What I AM talking about involves three things:

  • Tone
  • Cadence
  • Volume

When your target is speaking, pay close attention to these three things.

 

Tone

Tone of voice is one of the most important things to mirror. When you are in line with the tone that the other person is using, it helps you build better rapport.

Some people have naturally excited tones. They always speak in a way that is upbeat. Regardless of how you feel at that moment, you need to be able to match their level of excitement.

Then, of course, there are the people who speak in a slower, more laid back tone. When you’re dealing with people like these, you want to relax a bit during your conversation.

The thing about tone is that it doesn’t always remain the same, even when you’re dealing with the same person. A person’s tone can be influenced by the person’s personality and mood. If someone happens to be in a happier mood, they’ll have a brighter tone. If not, they may speak with a more subdued tone.

That’s why you have to always be vigilant when you’re dealing with the same target more than once.

 

Cadence

Cadence refers to the speed at which your target speaks. You’re going to want to match the pace of the other person’s speech.

If you’re dealing with someone who talks like an auctioneer in the south, you want to do your best to keep up with them. If you’re talking to someone who sounds like Eeyore, you need to be careful that you don’t speak too quickly.

Here’s the thing, you don’t have to match the exact cadence of the other person’s delivery. You just want to get as close as you can comfortably. You don’t want to force yourself to speak in a way that is going to make you sound unauthentic.

 

Volume

Some people speak loudly. Some softly. Some people are somewhere in between.

If your target is a shouter, then you need to raise your volume. It doesn’t mean you have to shout, of course. Just make sure you’re not speaking too quietly. You might come off as too shy.

If you’re speaking with a soft-spoken person, it’s important to make sure that you’re not overwhelming them with your volume. Speak softer and put them at ease.

 

Conclusion

Showing similarity between you and the people you wish to influence is one of the most effective ways to get them to lower their guard. You want your targets to feel as comfortable with you as possible.

Mirroring is one of the best ways to do this because it works on a more subconscious level. Start practicing this technique today. As you start to get better at it, you will see how much better your conversations will become.

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2 Comments

  • Mike Shields II

    Reply Reply September 7, 2016

    Must I? Must I follow you on Twitter? Surely, there may be another place for you to be followed. I believe that if you’re not going to follow me, then I don’t NEED to follow you, however, as I’ve already tweeted this out, you probably will.

    Stay sane my friend.

    PS, Don’t sell my email to anyone.

    • Jeffrey Charles

      Reply Reply September 7, 2016

      Yes Mike,

      You MUST follow me on Twitter. Your life and well-being depend upon it. There are other places I can be followed, but if I told you, I’d have to kill you. I don’t like taking human life…much.

      Yes, I probably will follow you. Because apparently, I must.

      Thanks for your comment sir!

      P.S. I have already sold your email…to your psycho ex-girlfriend. I made a killing. It was awesome.

      P.S.S. I didn’t really sell your email. I’d never do such a dastardly thing.

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